MS Exchange Blog

Old Quotes from an Old Exchange List

It was over a decade ago that I started with Exchange 5.0. Inevitably, there arose questions and circumstances not covered by the Help files or knowledge base articles. Like many others, I found an Exchange Server e-mail list where peers asked and sometimes answered Exchange questions. Little did I know I was walking into a forum with quite a bunch of characters. I may have posted this here before, but Missy Koslosky recently shared this list of quotes I collected from the old Exchange Swynk.com list one year:

“If you're going to learn something, then do so. Anything less is just a strategically-shaved monkey pressing buttons.” - Daniel Chenault, January 4, 2001

 

“The biggest productivity problem you have is that your boss doesn't have enough real work to do, and is fscking up your productivity at the same time.” - Andy Webb, January 5, 2001

 

“The biggest productivity problem you have is an inability to speak in complete, intelligible sentences.” – Andy Webb, January 5, 2001

 

“Wow!  Pretty long!  And without Scharff's help, too!” – Ed Crowley, January 6, 2001

 

“Don't believe anything you read, including this message. ;)” – Lori Hunter, January 8, 2001

 

“Roll up your sleeves, boys! (and ladies). It's time to get Greasy!” – John Matteson, January 8, 2001

 

“I prefer the pneumatic staple gun approach myself - the torch seems to stink up my cube too much.” – Roger Seielstad, January 10, 2001

 

“I hear that at Microsoft a developer who has a bug found in his/her code has to wear a silly moose antler hat all day.” – Kenneth Cornetet, January 10, 2001

 

“You would think a company as big as Marriott could afford a friggin’ full time connection and an administrator with more than 10% of his brain intact.” – Andy Webb, January 10, 2001

 

“Cisco doesn't understand e-mail.” – Chris Scharff, January 11, 2001

 

“Your opinion in this matter is probably misguided and worth nothing in any case.” – Ed Crowley, January 11, 2001

 

“The "bullshit security" is the users not securing their workstations. Give me access to an unsecured workstation and reading your e-mail will be among the least of your worries.” – Chris Scharff, January 11, 2001

 

“I lock mine so my boss doesn't see my porn.” – Ed Crowley, January 11, 2001

 

“Why can't you spell the word ‘you’ correctly?  You can type out ‘consequences’, ‘management’, ‘administrators’, etc, but are too friggin’ lazy to type the word ‘you’?” – Andy Webb, January 11, 2001

 

“This is one of those threads we need Woodrick to kill!” – Ed Crowley, January 11, 2001

 

“Good friggin' luck.” – Ed Crowley, January 17, 2001

 

“What does your email administrator say about this?” – Kim Cameron, January 17, 2001

 

“On the 'net, nobody knows you're a dog.” – Daniel Chenault, January 17, 2001

 

“Cancer will kill you. Spam mail will not.” – Ed Crowley, January 18, 2001

 

“That's why you should degauss all your tapes immediately after ntbackup finishes.” – Ed Crowley, January 18, 2001

 

“Yeah, it's simply amazing how well things work when they are configured to work the way they were designed to work.” – Daniel Chenault, January 19, 2001

 

“I didn't want to brag-by-proxy for Ed.” – Roger Seielstad, January 19, 2001

 

“Just say no to FAT.” – Andy Webb, January 22, 2001

 

“That wouldn't be as much fun as trolling.” – Ed Crowley, January 23, 2001

 

“Don't tell me; tell the list!” – Michèle Sharik, January 30, 2001

 

“Do you have a question?” – Ed Crowley, January 31, 2001

 

“Did you do what Missy said to?” – Lori Hunter, January 31, 2001

 

“I doubt anyone ever called Novell for Netware 3.x support. You could run that in your sleep.” – Andy David, February 2, 2001

 

“I love it when people chime in with their off-topic opinion, then close with, ‘Can we get back on topic?’” – Ed Crowley, February 7, 2001

 

“Whatever jams your toast.” – Ed Crowley, February 8, 2001

 

“Would it be fair to say that having nothing at all is better than having InoculateIT because then you don't have a false sense of security?” – Michèle Sharik, February 13, 2001

 

“Before we go nuts here and inadvertently type dollar signs instead of s's , what are the exact error messages and event ids?” – Andy David, February 14, 2001

 

“I'm sorry what does ::sigh:: mean?” – Scott Wiseman, February 14, 2001

 

“Can someone refer me to a list that has a heart for the overworked engineer that is bitting his nails and can't sleep.” – Scott Wiseman, February 14, 2001

 

“I have never gone out with a message. Let us know how it goes...” – Andy David, February 20, 2001

 

“I'd love to help, but it $eem$ my motivation to do $o i$ taxed the$e day$. $orry.” – Daniel Chenault, February 20, 2001

 

“I don't think size matters.  What matters most is activity.” – Ed Crowley, February 21, 2001

 

“No, it was Colonel Mustard, in Miami, with a rope, at 11:00am.” – Daniel Chenault, February 21, 2001

 

“Typically, Port should be aged at least 10 years to achieve the required POP.” – Andy David, February 21, 2001

 

“You think wrong.” – Ed Crowley, February 23, 2001

 

“Yea, but where is MEC this year?” – Andy David, February 23, 2001

 

“What's the best antivirus product?” – Ed Crowley, February 23, 2001

 

“I don't think that e-mail administrators should consider themselves to be babysitters.” – Ed Crowley, February 26, 2001

 

“I'm square on my kilter, thank you!” – Ed Crowley, February 26, 2001

 

“It's also ‘possible’ to run an Exchange server from the moon.” – Andy Webb, February 26, 2001

 

“I have a real dark side...” – Andy David, February 27, 2001

 

“I want a car that will protect me from driving it into a concrete pier at 70 MPH when I'm not wearing a seatbelt!” – Ed Crowley, March 1, 2001

 

“So who appointed you list czar?” – Ed Crowley, March 1, 2001

 

“Where is the FAQ?” – Ed Crowley, March 1, 2001

 

“Did Exchange cause the earthquake?” – Ed Crowley, March 1, 2001

 

“When a thread deteriorates into Star Trek references, that's when I know it's over.” – Ed Crowley, March 1, 2001

 

“Exchange 2000 without Active Directory is like water without hydrogen or Baywatch without scantily-clad women.” – Ben Schorr, March 2, 2001

 

“You doused yourself in gasoline and asked for a match.” – Andy Webb, March 3, 2001

 

“hmm... you are answering only intelligent questions?” – Mark Hanji, March 6, 2001

 

“I'm surprised anyone would click on an attachment called NakedWife. NakedMistress I could understand..;)” – Andy David, March 6, 2001

 

“Oh, pooh…  Please ignore everything I just said, and pass the Sudafed.” – Tom Meunier, March 7, 2001

 

“Just because one yahoo walks across a tightrope between the Petronas Towers doesn't make it a smart thing to do.” – Andy Webb, March 7, 2001

 

“What does your e-mail administrator have to say about that?” – Daniel Chenault, March 8, 2001

 

“Your logic path is flawed.” – Andy Webb, March 8, 2001

 

“We have a lawyer in our midst! To arms!! To arms!! Burn the witch!!” – Daniel Chenault, March 8, 2001

 

“I was trying to remember the first rule of AOL-- something along the lines that if there is a problem, and AOL is involved, it's always AOL's fault!” – Mike Morrison, March 9, 2001

 

“Yes I know that script Mike… Actually, I wrote it ;-)” – Siegfried Weber, March 9, 2001

 

“Remember, friends don't let friends have AOL (America Off Line) accounts.” – Russell Etts, March 9, 2001

 

“My face is already starting to turn blue.” – Ed Crowley, March 10, 2001

 

“Perhap$ you $hould phone p$$ for a$$i$tance with your $erver.” – Andy Webb, March 11, 2001

 

“Friggin’ ethav has a friggin’ pop3 remailer friggin’ misconfigured. Friggin’ when are people going to friggin’ learn.” – Andy Webb, March 11, 2001

 

“Didn't know my server could go "tits up." Is this a feature or a flaw?” – Rick Bauer, March 11, 2001

 

“Another perfect example of the nuts running the asylum :)” – Martin Blackstone, March 13, 2001

 

“We've all noticed that the list is down .. so this time I'm not going to send my "is the list down?" message.” – Martin Tuip, March 14, 2001

 

“Hey, I'm old. I forget things.” – Daniel Chenault, March 15, 2001

 

“If management fires them, they will no longer be internal users.” – Ed Crowley, March 15, 2001

 

“Message Tracking is way cool.  Turn it on everywhere!” – Ed Crowley, March 16, 2001

 

“Don't worry. No one reads your posts anyway.” – Andy David, March 16, 2001

 

“No tiggers were harmed in the creation or testing of this note.” – Kenneth Cornetet, March 22, 2001

 

“I have missed this whole thread, but as usual I agree with Roger ;)” – Andy David, March 22, 2001

 

“Snapping the cd in half isn't an easy task either. I have cut the crap out of my hands a few times trying that. :)” – Ed Esgro, March 22, 2001

 

“Don't make me stop this car.” – Andy David, March 22, 2001

 

“Ghoddesses don't need to explain such things!” – Andy David, March 22, 2001

 

“No, you can also say ‘fscking lyris’”- Andy David, March 22, 2001

 

“Now I gotta shop-vac the coke from my keyboard, and I'm not kidding!” – P Ramatowski, March 22, 2001

 

“So far that's FOUR "me too"s that should have been posted off-list.  And you call yourself e-mail geeks!” – Ed Crowley, March 23, 2001

 

“I prefer stupid reply to your insulting reply.” – Mark Hanji, March 23, 2001

 

“I think sacrificing virgins was their killer app.” – Rick Bauer, March 27, 2001

 

“The saga continues.  Friggin' Lyris speaks Pig Latin!” – Ed Crowley, March 28, 2001

 

“Booting has no effect on exchange server.” – Richard Siegel, March 28, 2001

 

“What's a virus scanner?” – Erik Sojka, March 29, 2001

 

“We've decided to stop feeding our kids because they keep growing out of their clothes.” – Ed Crowley, March 29, 2001

 

“I can't seem to recall it.” – Andy David, March 29, 2001

 

“A recall with a silly disclaimer!  What'll they think of next?” – Ed Crowley, March 29, 2001

 

“I've been faking it for four years on this list when it comes to Exchange, but hanging doors is something I'm actually pretty good at.  Do you have a question?” – Ed Crowley, April 2, 2001

 

“So are you advertising for a consultant or what?” – Ed Crowley, April 3, 2001

 

“I wouldn't know how to do such a kludgey thing.” – Ed Crowley, April 3, 2001

 

“How many times do you have to be told you're wrong?” – Ed Crowley, April 3, 2001

 

“I have no idea what my company pays, but the value of your "guarantee" is roughly equivalent to the price of the bits of which it is  composed.” – Ed Crowley, April 4, 2001

 

“Lack of foresight inevitably leads to many support opportunities, so you're correct.” – Jeff Dillon, April 6, 2001

 

“Bite me.” – Ed Crowley, April 8, 2001

 

“Ask once and wait for the answer in the future, bitch.” – Ed Crowley, April 8, 2001

 

“Keep your tongue in your mouth and maybe you'd be intelligible.” – Ed Crowley, April 9, 2001

 

“Does the box it came in say "Now 100% RPC Free!" on the front?” – Andy David, April 11, 2001

 

“Kindly provide evidence in support of such a wild-ass statement.” – Ed Crowley, April 12, 2001

 

“Seriously, what it has to do with my post?!” – Mark Hanji, April 16, 2001

 

“I am now truly sorry I asked.” – Ed Crowley, April 18, 2001

 

“Read and understand them and not only will you not LOOK like a dumbass, you won't BE a dumbass!” – Ed Crowley, April 19, 2001

 

“The problem is that such people eventually stumble over this list and start asking questions!” – Drew Nicholson, April 19, 2001

 

“Do you like movies about gladiators?” – Ed Crowley, April 19, 2001

 

“Anything is possible if you want to write the code.” – Ed Crowley, April 19, 2001

 

“Same answer as an hour ago...Nothing has changed.” – Martin Blackstone, April 19, 2001

 

“In that case your first contribution is to fly to Israel, track down Mark Hanji, and destroy any and all computer equipment he may posesss.” – Doug Hampshire, April 19, 2001

 

“I thought the goal was to stroke your ego?” – Andy David, April 20, 2001

 

“My self-esteem and self-worth need no stroking.” – Daniel Chenault, April 19, 2001

 

“Whose turn is it to stroke Daniel?” – Andy David, April 19, 2001

 

“Running Inoculan was somewhat akin to flogging myself.” – Paul Pelfrey, April 23, 2001

 

“I don't have a clue what you're talking about here.  Not that I should care.” – Ed Crowley, April 24, 2001

 

“You can never assume that silence means your uninformed opinion is correct.” – Andy Webb, April 24, 2001

 

“If you didn't want to prolong the thread, you'd not have posted a reply.” – Ed Crowley, April 25, 2001

 

“There is no other list as good as this list.” – Ed Crowley, April 26, 2001

 

“Uh oh. SP2 to fix hair color.” – Mark Hanji, April 28, 2001

 

“I'm glad you had such a good time at the expense of the rest of our time.” – Ed Crowley, May 2, 2001

 

“4 out of 5 Pandas recommend Antigen” – Andy David, May 3, 2001

 

“Then keep asking until you get the answer you want and have them put it in writing.” – Ed Crowley, May 3, 2001

 

“There are seldom good technological solutions for cognitive dissonance.” – Andy David, May 3, 2001

 

“UMS - User Mouse Spasm: An uncontrolled and unexpected click and move with a mouse, or other computer pointing device, resulting in files or messages being moved to unexpected locations.” – Peter Durkee, May 4, 2001

 

“What am I, your personal assistant?  If it's too much for you, then unsubscribe!” – Ed Crowley, May 7, 2001

 

“You never know we could be a list of very bad people.” – Avi Smith-Rapaport, May 8, 2001

 

“AFAIK, the large number of TLAs makes it very difficult, INI, to understand what is wanted when an undefined TLA is used. IMHO, YMMV and, AAMOF, TANSTAAFL.” – Daniel Chenault, May 17, 2001

 

“The glue sniffing does seem to be getting worse.” – Andy David, May 25, 2001

 

“I do wonder when showering if I should replace that pair of vise-grips where the regulator knob should be.....one day.....” – Paul Bouzan, June 27, 2001

 

“Actually, I find that Exchange 2000 creates great mail loops... in fact I would stand behind the statement that it is the BEST solution for creating mail loops.” – Aaron Brasslett, June 28, 2001

 

“Just in case you were looking for it, Director.exe has been replaced ceo.exe in E2K SP1.” – Dean Cunningham, June 28, 2001

 

“Screw it. Run the Layoff Wizard.” – Andy David, June 28, 2001

 

“Is your anti-virus software CrapShield 4.X? If so, go pick up a good novel and then call their technical support.” – Chris Scharff, July 2, 2001

 

“A thought just occurred to me:  Isn't "security hardened OWA box" an oxymoron?” – Ed Crowley, July 2, 2001

 

“Be sure to remove permissions in Exchange 2000 the same way, OK? When you get to the 7th circle of hell, please say hello to my old girlfriend Jennifer.” – Chris Scharff, July 3, 2001

 

“Our patented behavioral modification methodology is a trade secret.” – Chris Scharff, July 3, 2001

 

“Actually deleting it will make it incredibly smaller.” – Martin Blackstone, July 9, 2001

 

“My thesaurus threw up on that word.” – Larry Josefowski, July 10, 2001

 

“What's the best way to swim without getting wet?” – Ed Crowley, July 10, 2001

 

“I hate the static cling of the new versions.” – Ed Crowley, July 10, 2001

 

“Why must you insist on overcomplicating things?” – Ed Crowley, July 13, 2001

 

“I think you posted to the wrong list.” – Milt Atkinson, July 17, 2001

 

“If this is actually a tech support list, heck, I want my consulting fees paid. Retroactively.” – Daniel Chenault, July 17, 2001

 

“Aren't you already being paid to do tech support?!” – Ed Crowley, July 17, 2001

 

“We don't discuss Exchange, we exchange discussions...” – Martin Blackstone, July 17, 2001

 

“Direct all the Porn to a public folder and forward it on a weekly basis to [email protected].” - Doug Hampshire, July 18, 2001

 

“I fail to see how that is relevant.” – Ed Crowley, July 18, 2001

 

“I've been trying to lose my Exchange accent for some time now.” – Ed Crowley, July 19, 2001

 

“Nothing is free.” – Ed Crowley, July 19, 2001

 

“How many zeroes in a zillion-kajillion?” – Ed Crowley, July 19, 2001

 

“Can it really be a thread with only one reply? How many replies justify threadness?” – Jon Tout, July 20, 2001

 

“There's a FAQ?” – Andy David, July 20, 2001

 

“I can't seem to find any mention of SPAM in the Bible.” – Andy David, July 24, 2001

 

“It's funny how pissy everyone gets on this list.  I'm loving it!!” – John Bowles, July 24, 2001

 

“Knowing Chris, I suspect he'd do it for Chuck E. Cheese coins!” – Ed Crowley, July 24, 2001

 

“What a wiener.” – Ed Crowley, July 24, 2001

 

“For urgent requests, call PSS.” – Ed Crowley, July 25, 2001

 

“I can probably help.  Are you willing to pay my rate? I'd be happy to put you in touch with my pimp.” – Ed Crowley, July 25, 2001

 

“That doesn't make it any less silly.” – Ed Crowley, July 25, 2001

 

“The self-righteousness is getting a bit thick in here.” – Ed Crowley, July 25, 2001

 

“Take your green a$$ newbie knowledge elsewhere.” – Don Ely, July 25, 2001

 

“Thought Police, aisle 4.” – Drew Nicholson, July 25, 2001

 

“I don't care what anyone says; SPAM is just plain delicious.” – Kevin Derby, July 25, 2001

 

“I always knew you were a freak.” – Michèle Sharik, July 25, 2001

 

“My aunt has zero tolerance for spam.  A little Mylanta fixed her right up, though.” – Ben Schorr, July 25, 2001

 

“I find it hard to believe that ArcServe could cause any problems with an Exchange database. It is perhaps the greatest piece of software ever written, backed by dedicated professionals who support their customers with the utmost of respect.” – Andy David, July 25, 2001

 

“Boy, are YOU cursed with latency...” – Drew Nicholson, July 25, 2001

 

“All those in favor of killing this thread say ‘I’” – Jose Villatoro, July 25, 2001

 

“We are SO not going there...” – Drew Nicholson, July 25, 2001

 

“A little square of electrical tape works fine.” – Ed Crowley, July 25, 2001

 

“Lawyers hardly have a monopoly on common sense.” – Ed Crowley, July 26, 2001

 

“*yawn*” – Andy David, July 26, 2001

 

“You're telling Chris how to unsubscribe? Now that's funny.” – Andy David, July 26, 2001

 

“Beer or no beer, I'm not touching this without a consulting contract.” – Ed Crowley, July 26, 2001

 

“Back in February I had to call PSS. I suspect that's still the case.” – Peter Durkee, July 26, 2001

 

“If they have no access to another users folder then they cannot access it.” – July 26, 2001

 

“Searching TechNet will turn up all sorts of interesting stuff.  This isn't rocket science.” – Missy Koslosky, July 26, 2001

 

“You might as well ask ‘What religion is best?’” – Rick Boza, July 26, 2001

 

“So does this mean you arent going to build us a time machine?” – Andy David, July 27, 2001

 

“I thought the purpose of this forum was to receive helpful advice on Exchange issues, and not just people stating the 'bleeding obvious'.” – Phil Downey, July 27, 2001

 

“SMTP is EVERYTHING” – Ed Crowley, July 27, 2001

 

“I just noticed that I am out of coffee.” – Andy David, July 27, 2001

 

“I just noticed how handsome I am.” – Martin Blackstone, July 27, 2001

 

“You ought to notify Microsoft of the bug.” – Ed Crowley, July 30, 2001

 

“Thank you for sharing your gastronomical preferences with us.  We'll be sure to keep this in mind the next time we invite you to dinner.” – Ed Crowley, July 31, 2001

 

“What the heck is a fish taco?” – Avi Smith-Rapaport, July 31, 2001

 

“This list is dead!  'Tis not! 'Tis only resting!” – Daniel Chenault, August 3, 2001

 

“Everyday is mailbox deletion day :)” – Bob Sadler, August 3, 2001

 

“Can I use your mailserver for my chain letter?” – Andy David, August 3, 2001

 

“Next you're going to ask if it'll work over a 300 baud acoustic modem, right?” – Ed Crowley, August 3, 2001

 

“You should go down to Wal-Mart and buy a shotgun.” – Ed Crowley, August 3, 2001

 

“Keep sending yourself big files until you can't send any more.  Then you'll know the size is about the value of your Prohibit Send limit.” – Ed Crowley, August 3, 2001

 

“Hanji gets scrambled sometimes.” – Erik Sojka, August 6, 2001

 

“An NDR would help us.” – Thomas Di Nardo, August 6, 2001

 

“Would I steer you wrong?” – Ed Crowley, August 7, 2001

 

“I need a drink. Where can I do This?” – Andy David, August 14, 2001

 

“What does your Exchange administrator say?” – Daniel Chenault, August 14, 2001

 

“Is there a full moon out right now?” – Andy David, August 14, 2001

 

“Actually you type pretty good for a 2yr old.” – Martin Blackstone, August 14, 2001

 

“Please let me know when I have enough tenure on this site so I can to badger people.” – Mike Mitchell, August 14, 2001

 

“Budget constraints for a "free' program??” – Don Ely, August 15, 2001

 

“Silly wabbit: Trix are for kids!” – Mike Morrison, August 15, 2001

 

“That's not a choice, that's a lack of alternatives.” – Walden Leverich, August 15, 2001

 

“If you would just stop wearing womens underwear you might loose that high pitched voice.” – Joshua Folcik, August 17, 2001

 

“Can someone explain to me what Haiku Friday is?” – John Bowles, August 17, 2001

 

“It has been awhile since I was roughed up...” – Andy David, August 17, 2001

 

“That surprises me that it has been a while since you were roughed up!!!” – Mike Mitchell, August 17, 2001

 

“I do not believe that ‘Administrating Exchange with a Buzz’ is an approved course.” – Andy David, August 17, 2001

 

“I think the whole flock of you made a left turn and are somewhere off the map.” – John Matteson, August 20, 2001

 

“So why all the fuss about fish taco's?” – Rex Choi, August 20, 2001

 

“Turn in your network admin card on your way out please....” – Martin Blackstone, August 20, 2001

 

“Do you actually give a f*ck if I'm out of the office cuz I certainly don't give a F*ck if you're out of the office!” – Don Ely, August 21, 2001

 

“I'd have been understanding about the OOO, but I'm less understanding about the half-assed apology.” – Ed Crowley, August 21, 2001

 

“Tell your boss that Arcserve does an excellent job of backup things up, it's downfall is the ability to restore things.” – Matt Haught, August 21, 2001

 

“Hi, I’m William Shatner and welcome to Exchange......911.” – Martin Blackstone, August 21, 2001

 

“I crossed a busy street without looking last week, and didn't get hit by a car.” – Tom Meunier, August 21, 2001

 

“Try that again while running with scissors.” – Ed Crowley, August 21, 2001

 

“Well, you weren't yelling, but everything's more fun when you exaggerate.” – Serdar Soysal, August 22, 2001

 

“Real men don't wear 6" heels.” – Serdar Soysal, August 22, 2001

 

“Do you use Outlook?” – Vicki Ewart, August 22, 2001

 

“Well...I think this thread is going rather well, don't you?” – Andy David, August 22, 2001

 

“Why are you all so HOSTILE?” – Vicki Ewart, August 22, 2001

 

“If you turn the monitor off, the icons disappear.” – Andy David, August 22, 2001

 

“That's ok, the Outlook Bar doesn't have any good bartenders, anyway.” – Michèle Sharik, August 22, 2001

 

“Nobody in this list uses Outlook.  We are all Eudora users.” – Rocky Stefano, August 22, 2001

 

“Every list needs its comic relief....  :-)” – Michèle Sharik, August 23, 2001

 

“Its a floor wax AND a desert topping!” – Roger Seielstad, August 23, 2001

 

“What I lack in the back end I make up for in the front end.  ;o)” – Don Ely, August 23, 2001

 

“That must have hurt.” – Ed Crowley, August 23, 2001

 

“Though I was declared legally insane sometime ago...” – Andy David, August 24, 2001

 

“I could build an entire army of mutant Barbies.” – Andy David, August 24, 2001

 

“Do I make you laugh?” – Andy David, August 24, 2001

 

“More power to the stupid people! Who's with me!?” – Jennifer Baker, August 24, 2001

 

“He don't NEED a document management system thankyouverymuch, so just take your off-topic flamebait answer on up outa here.” – Chris Scharff, August 27, 2001

 

“We don't need any off-topic flame bait headers thankyouverymuch!!  ;o)” – Don Ely, August 27, 2001

 

“Don't make me come over there and knock your heads together!” – Martin Blackstone, August 27, 2001

 

“I am not the intended recipient of this message. Please destroy your mail server.” – Andy David, August 28, 2001

 

“Then why let them use a computer at all?” – Michèle Sharik, August 28, 2001

 

“Why let them breathe at all?” – Rocky Stefano, August 28, 2001

 

“Long live this nasty a** list.” – Steve Hanna, August 29, 2001

 

“If this list should become user friendly it will loose the school master appeal.” – Steve Hanna, August 29, 2001

 

“I have never been FAQ'ed before.” – Larry Josefowski, August 29, 2001

 

“Is that a come on??” – Martin Blackstone, August 29, 2001

 

“Awww man...  Who let this piece of road kill in here?” – Don Ely, August 29, 2001

 

“I know enough not to be an admin.” – Ed Crowley, August 30, 2001

 

“Does anyone know where MEC is this year?” – Andy David, August 30, 2001

 

“There's not time for details. This is Urgent!” – Andy David, August 31, 2001

 

“What am I going to do with this Speedo then?” – Andy David, August 31, 2001

 

“They can play with the werewolves that I'm raising in my backyard.” – Serdar Soysal, September 4, 2001

 

“What's the point of a discussion list then?” – Rocky Stefano, September 4, 2001

 

“What about ‘That response deserves a High Five and that is four more than I normally give.’” – Ken Powell, September 4, 2001

 

“You are one step away from killing your Ex2000 installation.” – Daniel Chenault, September 5, 2001

 

“I'm not saying we don't have standards.  We just have a different way of implementing them.” – Gregory Monahon, September 7, 2001

 

“You can prevent this in the future by disconnecting from the Internet.” – Ed Crowley, September 7, 2001

 

“I was having a colonic irrigation.  For a guy like me, that can take some time.” – Cthulhu Jones, September 10, 2001

 

“Some of us are as many as 12,500 miles from each other.” – Ed Crowley, September 12, 2001

 

“I ain't no nephridium kisser.” – Ed Crowley, September 12, 2001

 

“It's always a great time to fire idiots.” – Ed Crowley, September 12, 2001

 

“Can we dispense with all this jibba jabba?!  The purpose of this forum is to provide free tech urgent tech support!” – Ed Crowley, September 12, 2001

 

“My therapist recommended pissing off Kimmie to confront my anxiety and fear.” – Jennifer Baker, September 12, 2001

 

“Did I mention I make a great Lasagna?” – Jennifer Baker, September 12, 2001

 

“I love you all!!!!” – Missy Koslosky, September 13, 2001

 

“So I made a typo.  Sue me.” – Ed Crowley, September 13, 2001

 

“You wouldn't want to check Lasagna as baggage.” – Ed Crowley, September 13, 2001

 

“Now that you are a man, there are of course added responsibilities.” – Andy David, September 14, 2001

 

“Seems strange to blame one's ignorance of a product on the creator of the product.” – Stephen Mynhier, September 14, 2001

 

“The only horn I will blow is any horn that Michèle may need blown.  Other than that, I be blowing anyone else's horn. Thankyouverymuch.” – Martin Blackstone, September 17, 2001

 

“Just answer the question!” – Ed Crowley, September 17, 2001

 

“SHUT UP!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!” – Martin Blackstone, September 17, 2001

 

“I'll blow that horn, Daniel!!” – Michèle Sharik, September 18, 2001

 

“Have you ran around in a circle flapping your arms?” – Andy David, September 18, 2001

 

“So, are you saying you like to watch?” – Andy David, September 18, 2001

 

“Make sure your hands aren't wet when you're unplugging the power cable.” – Serdar Soysal, September 18, 2001

 

“I was just noticing that most of the gurus of the list had plenty of time to respond to the list regarding various questions. Am I missing something?” – Jennifer Baker, September 19, 2001

 

“We don't need no stinkin' patches!” – Andy David, September 19, 2001

 

“Then apply every damn security fix from Microsoft you can get your hot little hands on.” – Cthulhu Jones, September 19, 2001

 

“Thanks, William. I was on the can.” – Ed Crowley, September 19, 2001

 

“Good girls never say maybe.” – Serdar Soysal, September 20, 2001

 

“Almost as funny as other works of humorous fiction, such as marketing materials.” – Cthulhu Jones, September 20, 2001

 

“Remind me to tell you to fzck off when you need help again you ignorant maroon.” – Don Ely, September 20, 2001

 

“I understand there is a carebear exchange list for sissies like yourself.” – Don Ely, September 20, 2001

 

“You only need one dinner idea.... Reservations.” – John Matteson, September 20, 2001

 

“Everyone knows all the best chefs are men.” – Doug Hampshire, September 20, 2001

 

“Has the list made that unmarked left turn into the Twilight Zone?” – John Matteson, September 20, 2001

 

“Must be a COMPAQ server guy--always solve problems with bigger hardware.” – Rick Bauer, September 20, 2001

 

“If it was a Compaq refrigerator, I guess it would only chill Compaq-brand food, right?  ;-)” – Benjamin Scott, September 20, 2001

 

“I hate it when a sniveler posts while I'm away.” – Ed Crowley, September 20, 2001

 

“I'm sorry, I didn't catch all that. I was on the can.” – Andy David, September 21, 2001

 

“I wonder what the poor text is doing.” – Cthulhu Jones, September 20, 2001

 

“Create an IIS server. Expose it to the Internet. Don't patch it. Wait a day or two. You'll have your test box.” – Cthulhu Jones, September 24, 2001

 

“I think Ed's still on the can.” – Martin Blackstone, September 24, 2001

 

“As your ‘Tech Buddy’, I beg of you...  Do not ask ‘non-intelligent’ questions.” – Don Ely, September 25, 2001

 

“Force is what you do if it don't go in smooth.” – Cthulhu Jones, September 25, 2001

 

“I will volunteer (short term) to be a CA apologist...CA's sorry... Very very sorry....I resign now... That wore me out.” – Stephen Mynhier, September 25, 2001

 

“Get off my Tech Buddy!” – Don Ely, September 25, 2001.

 

“What is MEC??” – Richard Tener, September 25, 2001

 

“Start your very own thread...they're free.....” – Matt Haught, September 26, 2001

 

“Are you short on nouns today?  I can send you some Extra Special Cheap For You!” – Lori Hunter, September 26, 2001

 

“I'll be sure to ask Amit Hanji to wear his mini skirt with no top for you Don. Of course he does have lots of gold chains and no chest hair.” – Doug Hampshire, September 27, 2001

 

“Does anyone have any good Cheese recipes they could share?” – Andy David, September 27, 2001

 

“What's your logon and PW?” – Martin Blackstone, September 28, 2001

 

“I'm detecting sarcasm.” – Joseph Smith, October 1, 2001

 

“What is a CD?” – Serdar Soysal, October 1, 2001

 

“You are hilarious. I'm going to stop now. I know when I've been beaten by someone who's had way to much Microfoofoo koolaid today :)” – Rocky Stefano, October 2, 2001

 

“Well, what fun are you?  You start a war and end it before I even get started...  Damn it!” – Don Ely, October 2, 2001

 

“Serdar, Is the big K, still running a special on clues?  Can you send a case full to our new friend Adriaan?” – Matt Haught, October 4, 2001

 

“Ok Turkey breath you win that argument.” – Kevin Miller, October 4, 2001

 

“Because BLB SUCK Donkey Sausage!” – Matt Haught, October 5, 2001

 

“Well, this thread has certainly taken an odd turn...” – Andy David, October 7, 2001

 

“Yes, all personal attacks are unmoderated.” – Andy David, October 8, 2001

 

“For the record, I was very polite in my response so that Mike Morrison would buy me ice-cream.” – Serdar Soysal, October 8, 2001

 

“Your cynicism overshadows your technical analysis.” – Andy Webb, October 8, 2001

 

“Why?  Are all your users' delete keys broken?” – Lori Hunter, October 9, 2001

 

“Doesn't Missy have the ability to remotely zap anyone she wants?  After all she's a goddess.” – Serdar Soysal, October 9, 2001

 

“Is that a real world situation or are you just gossiping?” – Serdar Soysal, October 10, 2001

 

“If youv'e (sic) come for help you come to the wrong place.” – Glen Rose-Ward, October 10, 2001

 

“Nobody's forcing you to read or post to this list.” – Serdar Soysal, October 10, 2001

 

“I happen to agree with Doug, which has nothing to do with him signing my checks.” – Roger Seielstad, October 10, 2001

 

“Scrapple...BARF! I think I would rather eat Andy's thong.” – Martin Blackstone, October 10, 2001

 

“We are a sneeze away from using Comvault.” – Eric Hansen, October 11, 2001

 

“Actually the universal answer to all OT questions is: ‘Do you use Outlook?’” – Serdar Soysal, October 11, 2001

 

“Buy the book, live the book.  Replace girlfriend with the book.” – Matt Haught, October 11, 2001

 

“Without trying to piss anyone off, Could we please keep this list on topic.” – Ronald Mazzotta, October 12, 2001

 

“I can be rude and obnoxious too.” – Ronald Mazzotta, October 12, 2001

 

“As for me, I'm just gonna loosen the belt on my pants...oh my what did I just say.” – Bob Sadler, October 12, 2001

 

“How is this relevant to Scrapple?!?   ::Sheesh:: Can't we keep this list ON TOPIC?!?!?” – Michèle Sharik, October 12, 2001

 

“Sorry for posting a stupid thread my fault I really didnt read through the error message.  Im still waiting for my book.” – Richard Tener, October 12, 2001

 

“HEY!  Richard started a new thread!!!!” – Michèle Sharik, October 16, 2001

 

“Beware the Inner Circle Secret Cabal.” – Martin Blackstone, October 16, 2001

 

“May I join?  I so enjoy inner circle secret cabals.” – Ed Crowley, October 16, 2001

 

“How many more people have to leave this list before you guys shut the f*ck up?” – Kim Cameron, October 16, 2001

 

“He couldn't get a clue if he was in a field full of horny clues in the middle of clue mating season and had covered himself with clue musk.” – Joel Osborn, October 17, 2001

 

“Dammit!!!  I spit Coke all over my monitor reading that!” – Don Ely, October 18, 2001

 

“Luckily you had CA's new product ThongIT to protect you.” – Martin Blackstone, October 18, 2001

 

“The Women of Simpler-Webb.  That sounds like a feature in Playboy Magazine.” – Ed Crowley, October 20, 2001

 

“Why u no post link??” – Andy David, October 20, 2001

 

“Lot you know.  Consultants never touch servers.  They tell their customers how to touch their own servers.  Then they leave before any damage is done.” – Ed Crowley, October 24, 2001

 

“And, he called me a "he".  I am sooooo not a he.” – Kelly Borndale, October 24, 2001

 

“Don't mine me I turned 30 today, my brain has left me since it happened.” – Don Ely, October 25, 2001

 

“Suure...  Whatever makes me right...  ;o)” – Don Ely, October 25, 2001

 

“No need to send the same questions a billion times.” – Serdar Soysal, October 29, 2001

 

“I think one of the requirements for getting your name in the FAQ is that you actually *have* an Exchange Server.” – Andy David, October 29, 2001

 

“Yea. I want that in the FAQ. Next to the Ed Crowley Server Move, I want the Martin Blackstone Extension Blocking List.” – Martin Blackstone, October 29, 2001

 

“Being an ‘input device’ for my boss does not sound like my kind of job!” – Andy David, October 31, 2001

 

“i don't do command performances for total strangers.” – Kim Cameron, November 2, 2001

 

“And i'm a spooky chick.” – Kim Cameron, November 2, 2001

 

“I bet you aren't as spookie as me. What's spookier than a short, round, white dude with jet black hair, a beanie and a a Slackware Linux CD ? :)” – Denis Baldwin, November 2, 2001

 

“My oh My ... what a HUGE disclaimer your company gave you.” – Martin Tuip, November 3, 2001

 

“I have your thong, not your Speedo. And you can have _that_ back any time you want it!” – Mike Morrison, November 5, 2001

 

“Am I allowed to plug Sybari?  Or should I wait for someone else to do it....” – Kelly Borndale, November 5, 2001

 

“No Andy, that's Ta na, not T an A. Same letters, different spacing.” – Doug Hampshire, November 7, 2001

 

“My customer would really appreciate my employer charging them an outrageous hourly rate for me to work the Exchange Discussion List.” – Ed Crowley, November 7, 2001

 

“How about I instruct you on how to remove the accelerator from your car so you can't get in trouble there either?” – Daniel Chenault, November 8, 2001

 

“Where did I leave lace blouse that shows off cleavage?” – Rachel Pickens, November 8, 2001

 

“Well. I have absolutely no retort to this!” – Andy David, November 9, 2001

 

“Conformity by humiliation. Works like a champ.” – Mike Carlson, November 9, 2001

 

“4 1/2" is enough to kill someone if used to puncture the right organ :)” – Denis Baldwin, November 9, 2001

 

“Welcome to the biggest cat-fight-flirting-haiku-throwing-exchange-bash on the planet.” – Denis Baldwin, November 9, 2001

 

“A clean install is always the recommended procedure.” – Mike Carlson, November 9, 2001

 

“There's precisely one ass in this conversation, and it isn't Kim.” – Gary Slinger, November 10, 2001

 

“Does your employer know how much time you spend at work being a prat over the internet?” – Gary Slinger, November 10, 2001

 

“Chances are this manager you speak of has just pulled the disclaimer from his butt and decided it should be used.” – Martin Blackstone, November 10, 2001

 

“Nobody can see everything coming.” – Ed Crowley, November 12, 2001

 

“Exchange is pretty much virus proof right now. It is the clients that get the virus's” – Martin Blackstone, November 13, 2001

 

“Chris.. CHRIS... Time to take your pills!” – John Matteson, November 13, 2001

 

“The Exchange 2000/IIS5 SMTP engine is among the fastest spam engines on the planet.” – Chris Scharff, November 13, 2001

 

“Spell checkers are for wimps.” – Ed Crowley, November 14, 2001

 

“My spel chucker suggests that Siesta is the correct spelling for Seielstad. Coincidence? I think not.” – Doug Hampshire, November 14, 2001

 

“Your answer for ‘outbound’ fails to mention that the address space must be ‘clownpenis.fart’.  Don't ask why, it just has to be that.” – Ed Crowley, November 14, 2001

 

“I suggest future smackdown attempts be made in person, so that your internet bravado can be greeted with a large dose of personal reality.” – Chris Scharff, November 14, 2001

 

“I've been trying diligently over the past months to be a kinder and gentler list participant.” – Chris Scharff, November 14, 2001

 

“It's never ‘simply’ anything with Exchange 2000!” – Missy Koslosky, November 14, 2001

 

“For 7 faxes a year you can walk to a Kinko's.” – Serdar Soysal, November 16, 2001

 

“I'm getting ready to toss this server out the window!!!!” – John Bowles, November 16, 2001

 

“Maybe you just have a bad outlook :)” – Lynne Seamans, November 21, 2001

 

“What? You can't just give me the Q number?” – Andy David, November 26, 2001

 

“I just pray that I am never de-briefed before a disaster...” – Andy David, November 29, 2001

 

“Your server is suffering from the "Broke A$$ $hit" syndrome...” – Don Ely, November 30, 2001

 

“It blows, doesn't it?” – Ed Crowley, December 1, 2001

 

“Ignore the M: drive. Pretend it doesn't exist… For 99.98% of shops the only things you could do with/via/for the M: drive would result in a $249 phone call.” – Chris Scharff, December 3, 2001

 

“Now that's just silly.” – Chris Scharff, December 10, 2001

 

“You spelled my name wrong.” – Ed Crowley, December 11, 2001

 

“Great moogely boogely.” – Chris Scharff, December 12, 2001

 

“There's a law against typing while under the influence.” – John Matteson, December 12, 2001

 

“I believe that there are multiple Hanji's here. Both with bad engrish, but only one with a razor sharp wit.” – Doug Hampshire, December 12, 2001

 

“If there is another Exchange list like this?” – Bill Lambert, December 12, 2001

 

“Can someone please send me a 'print out' of an Exchange 5.5 directory structure?” – Kim Kruse, December 12, 2001

 

“I think this takes the crown for ‘The most absurd request of 2001’.” – Serdar Soysal, December 12, 2001

 

“My brain hurts.” – Ed Crowley, December 12, 2001

 

“Who fsking cares?” – Chris Scharff, December 14, 2001

 

“What is wrong with being a smartass?” – Milton R Dogg, December 14, 2001

 

“Do yourself a big favor and read the list for a few weeks before you decide who is a smartass, a wiseass, a dickhead, a moron, a troll, a goddess, etc.” – Lori Hunter, December 14, 2001

 

“If you want to disrespect me, that's fine. Bring it on. I've got your LART right here pal.” – Chris Scharff, December 14, 2001

 

“Don't pick on women.  We run off and cry.” – Missy Koslosky, December 14, 2001

 

“Well, don't be expecting a kiss or anything like that.” – Daniel Chenault, December 14, 2001

 

“I can see that this discussion list needs new members.” – Michael Woodruff, December 14, 2001

 

“Its a discussion list. Not a technical helpdesk.” – Louis Joyce, December 14, 2001

 

“I am a major smart ass. So is Andy, William, Kevin, Don, and a few others.” – Martin Blackstone, December 14, 2001

 

“Ah, can I be the resident dumb-ass?  I KNOW I'm qualified!” – Bill Lambert, December 14, 2001

 

“Not that the people here know how to rip into someone. The all time champ is Don.” – Tony Hlabse, December 14, 2001

 

“Man, I hate it when I'm away and a new troll moves into the neighborhood.” – Ed Crowley, December 17, 2001

 

“What is that crud in your sig?” – James Blunt, December 18, 2001

 

“This isn't the ‘Bug Fix Forum’.” – Ed Crowley, December 22, 2001

 

“I have the 4 page version on ‘How to uninstall Groupshield’, but I need the ‘Attention deficit disorder’ version.” – Jennifer Baker, December 22, 2001

 

“For the record, I said nothing quotable this year, and I specifically didn't say anything quotable about any ‘valued and respected Microsoft partners’.” – Chris Scharff, December 28, 2001

 

“You didn't know that helium became combustible in 1987?” – Ed Crowley, December 28, 2001

 

“Any job where one is expected to be perfect will inevitably overwhelm the employee.” – Ed Crowley, December 28, 2001

 

“That's what you get for buying your hardware at KMart.” – Ed Crowley, December 28, 2001

 

“There is no sarcasm or exaggeration in this e-mail.” – Serdar Soysal, December 28, 2001

 

“Got change for a nickel in that thong?” – Martin Blackstone, December 29, 2001

 

“You may be an ass, but you're OUR ass!” – Ed Crowley, December 30, 2001

William Lefkovics

Kudos to the Exchange Documentation team

If you spend a lot of time in Microsoft Exchange documentation, you may appreciate the quality of coverage and organization. Or you may not. But if you really want to appreciate what the Exchange team has done over the last 5 years in terms of providing coherent, relevant information at various levels for Exchange Server 2003, 2007 and 2010, spend some time with the documentation of their competitors.

If you have to wander into the website of a competitor and look something up, you may find it easily or it may take awhile. I don't mean looking up the odd question. If you spend a good week in their documentation, whether it is Lotus (Domino), Novell (Groupwise), or Yahoo! (Zimbra), or others, you will most likely garner a greater appreciation of what Microsoft has accomplished for Exchange Server. From the Exchange Server Library to the marketing-free technical Exchange team blog, I find the quality of content exceeds what I see elsewhere in the market.

As an example, recent searches within the Lotus website returned promising results; however, selecting several of those sites resulted in 404s. Clicking the Search button within the online help system for Lotus Domino and Notes 8.5 in either Firefox or Internet Explorer glosses over the search page and returns the page on How to Search. Searching the product infocenter for Domino and Notes 8.5 creates a minor usability glitch - duplicate results by title. In actuality, they are separate results for versions 8.0 and 8.5, but there is no immediate identification in the search results as shown in the screenshot.

These are just a few examples off the top of my head. In practice the frustration was even more profound. And I don't mean to just pick on Lotus as they are just one of the offenders.

William Lefkovics

Follow us on Twitter. Or not.

I am going to incorporate changes to the blog with a Twitter feed to see how practical and beneficial that might be. We are set up as twitter.com/msexchangeblog.  I see a lot of tweets directing people to a new blogpost. I will avoid the endless loop where the blogpost you are directed to advises of a new Twitter tweet.

The company that owns this blog content has been on Twitter for awhile now: twitter.com/mojavemedia.

William Lefkovics

Exchange/UC Connections, Orlando, FL in March 2009

I have always admired those who can communicate well verbally and even inspire with their spoken word.  I am not one of them it seems. At least not yet.

I just finished presenting two sessions at Exchange Connections in Las Vegas. The first one was satisfactory, while the second less than. I am so not a natural. But I am serious about improving.

Aside from learning by observation and reading the thoughts of other speakers, I am investing time and effort into properly learning the art of public speaking... to complement the trial-by-fire method.

I can only hope that they give me another chance at Exchange Connections in Orlando in March 2009. 

William Lefkovics